дуринг тхе коронавирус локдоввн, невв роутинес кан бе естаблисхед

I'll tell yous all about it...

There are some (unreliable) rumours that some National MPs are upset at Simon Bridges current decorum level around the coronavirus stuff. While I think it's very unlikely they'll try oust him so close to the election, the way things are currently going it seems likely that Labour will win the next election. If most National MPs agree, they may be waiting until then to oust Simon Bridges, and then begin an exciting new contest for leader. I've had a look over the National list (including both exiting and expected members) and am proposing factions.

The way the leadership vote worked last election is 5 candidates put their hat in for leader, one withdrew before the vote started (Mark Mitchell) and the other 4 were voted for by the National party members. Simon Bridges and Amy Adams went through to the next round of voting, while Judith Collins and Steven Joyce were eliminated (Steven Joyce soon after resigned). Simon Bridges won the next vote and was elected leader.

It’s worth noting that there is a sizable portion of electorate-controlling members (especially former mayors, councillors, and those from old political families) that seem unambitious/aren’t scheming Machiavellians. I expect those ones to vote in their faction in an early vote but after that, by stuff like “electability” or how charismatic they are. However, electorate MPs are the exact members that have the safety net to try shenanigans.

Each name has their rank of the left but it’s worth noting these are Simon Bridges’ rankings.



Simon Bridges Loyalists – I think these people will stand with Bridges because without him they’ll lose rank and power.

• (2) Paula Bennet: While she’s been more than one leader’s deputy I think if a new leader rises they’re likely to choose a strategic deputy rather than a Bill English era unity candidate.
• (8) Gerry Brownlee: He’s been around a while and I don’t think he’ll go any higher in the party (unless with Judith? I dunno), any reshuffle will probably be at his expense
• (40) Erica Stanford: Paula and Gerry B. have old affiliations to former MP Murray McCully and have in the past, schemed together. While a backbencher and more junior, Erica has worked for Murray in the past as well and may hope to move up faster by that affiliation?
• (3) Paul Goldsmith: List MP (Epsom) whose professional career is writing Hagiographies. I feel he’s less of a schemer and more of a worker.
• (5) Todd McClay: He’s probably Simon’s right hand man after the Jami-Lee Ross betrayal. Otherwise he’d align with the Internationalists. Former diplomat and UN type.
• (23) Simon O’Connor: He is married to Simon Bridges’ sister. He did train as a Catholic Priest and is a royalist though so may switch to the Christian faction after a coup

Overt Christians – While most National members share typical Christian conservative/family values morals, these members are explicitly and sincerely Christian. It’s tricky for this faction, a coup before the election will be without Luxon, after the election they’ll probably lose Loheni and Garcia.

• (34) Simeon Brown: Young, ambitious conservative who may have a go at power. However, he’s so far been a loyalist slime.
• (n/a) Chris Luxon: If he wins Botany in the election, there was quite a lot of excitement around him when he first stepped forward, anticipated to be the second coming of John Key. He could plausibly unite the Christian and Internationalist/Business factions, but he’s new and his work’ll be cut out for him.
• (47) Agnes Loheni: She’s a list member though so may not get back in if National do poorly
• (48) Paulo Garcia: Low ranked list MP
• (19) Jonathan Young
• (25) Tim Macindoe
• (11) Alf Ngaro: Brielfly considered quitting National to start a Christian values party, but changed his mind. It’s risky being a List MP.

Farmers – This is a big faction, however I think they’re low energy, there’s one or two more prominent members that they might rally behind. Many of them are retiring at the election so best time for this faction to act is now.

• (41) Tim Van de Molen: “NZ Young Farmer of the Year 2013”, and a banker. While he’s very farm-orientated now that he’s achieved some notable farm ambitions he may turn his gaze to leadership
• (21) Barbara Kuriger: “Dairy Woman of the Year”, I think if her family dairy company wasn’t found guilty of cruelty and neglect of animals she’d look good in the limelight
• (45) Nicola Willis: While not really a farmer, did work for Fonterra and close to Bill English and John Key, may allow her to lead a farmer alliance?
• (31) Ian McKelvie
• (27) Stuart Smith
• (16) Todd Mueller
• (33) Jo Hayes
• (35) Andrew Falloon
• (18) David Bennett
• (Exiting politics) David Carter: Probably still has a lot of clout and could rally some of the older members, as well as his nephew Matt Doocey
• (Exiting politics) Sarah Dowie
• (Exiting politics) Nathan Guy
• (Exiting politics) Alistair Scott

Cops, Soldiers and Machiavellians – This is a bit of a weird coalition, and they’re just as likely to stab each other in the back, but likely to fall into line behind a leader to get whatever positions are left. Most known to have worked with Lusk or Slater (Dirty Politics)

• (4) Judith Collins: Literally has a copy of The Prince on her bookshelf, married to a policeman cum milk exporter, shady Chinese connections, a big player in the machinations of Cameron Slater and Simon Lusk, has always wanted power and prepared to scheme for it
• (6) Mark Mitchell: Policeman then Iraq war mercenary, also associated with Simon Lusk and Slater. Contested the leadership then dropped out before the vote, presumably somebody guaranteed him something in exchange
• (15) Chris Bishop: Tobacco lobbyist, Steven Joyce staffer, my electorates MP, I think he’s the same sort of ambitious schemer
• (28) Dr Shane Reti: Was in territorial force, has been accused of bullying/making political threats to an advocacy group in his electorate
• (39) Chris Penk: Navy, up and coming
• (26) Brett Hudson
• (37) Matt King
• (contesting Otaki) Tim Costley: Air Force
• (exiting politics) Nicky Wagner: worked with Simon Lusk

Internationalists – A small faction that could probably be included in with the previous, ambitious types with money and connections. They would all make great Bond villains.

• (32) Andrew Bayley: Ironman, Antarctic mountaineer, he and his sons sledded to the North Pole. Been in the army and a paratrooper? An accountant, he and his (evil?) twin brother have built a successful firm and he has been the director of various international interests.
• (46) Dan Bidois: Adopted, high school drop out, bone cancer survivor. Went from butcher to international strategy manager at Foodstuffs, working in US, France, Kazakhstan, Ukraine and Malaysia.
• (9) Michael Woodhouse

The faction that was formerly Amy Adams' – A “socially progressive” faction of the National party, Amy Adams narrowly lost out to Simon Bridges in the 2018 leadership contest, was a lacklustre finance minister, then announced her retirement. While no longer a truly coherent faction, may re-coalesce around a bold candidate. May draw votes from unambitious electorate MPs on electability etc. Paula Bennet might attempt a leadership under this banner?

• (exiting politics) Amy Adams: Did she leave because she missed her chance at leadership? Or was she pushed? Would she rally if there was a new appetite for a more progressive National party?
• (7) Nikki Kaye: Driven, recently survived a cancer scare, a good candidate to lead this faction
• (22) Matt Doocey: A counselling psychologist, I think he fits in here. He’s of the Carter Clan which may or may not be valuable
• (38) Denise Lee
• (10) Louise Upston
• (36) Harete Hipango
• (Exiting politics) Maggie Barry

International community representatives - List MPs that work to collect votes of the respective nationalities. I think they wont stick their necks out, but probably align with the Internationalists best

• (29) Dr Jian Yang: A Chinese Spy? A valuable asset for Chinese diplomacy to the National Party, can probably feel safe
• (14) Melissa Lee: probably the highest profile of this group, may also make her the most ambitious
• (30) Dr Parmjeet Parmar
• (24) Kanwaljit Singh Bakshi

???? I don’t know where these people go. I think we can assume they’ll more or less vote randomly and/or back the least offensive candidate.

• (20) Nick Smith: Once deputy, he’s been around a million years and I think whatever connections he once has have atrophied away
• (17) Anne Tolley
• (13) Jacqui Dean: Afraid of all drugs, including Dihydrogen Monoxide. Probably will back the most reactionary candidate
• (43) Lawrence Yule
• (contesting Selwyn) Nicola Grigg: Journalist, thinks wheat is important for her electorate so may align with farmers?

Worms

• (44) Maureen Pugh: When the phone call was leaked where Simon Bridges called her “Fucking useless”, she immediately announced that she forgave him and tried to spin it like she was an eager advocate for her community. Simon apologised and gave her nothing
• (12) Scott Simpson: Became an MP after he lost the National Party Presidency (and his wife!) to Peter Goodfellow

you are all invited to my:
END OF QUARANTINE PARTY
2 and a bit weeks from now
fancy dress- facial masks etc

It's the ALBATROSS
Did you guys know they are freaking huge???







SO HUGE MAN I NEVER REALISED JUST HOW HUGE

TEAM 1: StarkxKurosawa


TEAM 2: Gotei Lannister


TEAM 3: Bad detectives Jeor and Jon

In an effort to get some post activity again, lets play hurt/heal with what I've decided to be "active" forum members! Each day you may choose to HEAL up to 3 members (splitting +3 points) and HURT one member (-3 points). Any member that gets reduced to 0 points is sent to the death realm and is no longer in the running towards becoming Americas next top model.


The game will last 2 weeks to prevent it dragging on. End date MARCH 31st


Here's a nifty memory-jogger for some of the "active" forum members:
Blue Ghost - quality content posts
NZs no.3 - your admin and site creator
taco - likes politics
womblemuppet - sleeps through arranged game nights, hates progression systems in games
Jargonion - is good at slay the spire, leaves the forum over minor altercations
Pythagean - posted heaps, content creator, now presumed dead
benswitch - actually posts about games regularly
Oathy - likes anime
silentsun - posts in waves every so often
Kalazarc - posts good shit once in a blue moon
tampenthusiast - quality forum member
crzytrane - lurks like a goddam whore

When do you guys reckon the Coronavirus sharecrash will bottom out? Considering sinking a few hundred dollars in safe shares/index funds while they’re low, seeing they’ll recover soon enough?

We've developed a hot new game: It's Monopoly x Trivial Pursuit, and incorporates a shot glass roulette wheel.


We made a couple drafts and had a few test runs, this is an optimised fusion of the dread and brutal attrition of Monopoly with the arbitrariness of Soviet-era trivia questions, with the occasional influence of mandatory gambling and drinking. This is the greatest game of this era.

aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hyype

it looks amazing